Good morning everyone. In today's lecture, I'm going to talk about how to revise essay drafts and give you some tips as well. The initial revision should, of course, focus on the essay as a whole.
You'd ask yourself: do I reach my writing objective? Does my essay directly answer the question? Is my main idea clear? In order to answer these questions, what you need to do first is to revise for content. The typical rough draft may have too little and too much content all at the same time. It will have touched the surface of some portions of the essay without providing adequate explanation or convincing detail. At the same time, it may have discussed things that do not contribute significantly to your major points.
So, what is a good essay then? A good essay eliminates irrelevant material while includes all the information necessary to your main point. Your reader needs sufficient evidence to accept what you are saying. So, you have to make sure you have adequately developed and supported your main idea. Content that is unrelated to the main idea should be eliminated.
Then, what is the second step in revision? That is revise for organization. A well-organized essay will group similar ideas together and put them in the proper order. If you find it easy to produce an outline from your draft, this means that there is a clear logic to the flow of the content. And you can be reasonably certain that you have a well-ordered essay; otherwise, reorder your content.
The third step you are advised to take is to revise for length. Is your essay approximately the right length? If it is substantially longer than the stated limit, you have to consider reducing the supporting material. But even if there's no stated limit, or you are allowed to write as long as you like, please adhere to a self-imposed limit.
And unless addressing a topic that needs lengthy explanation, stick to it. The steps I have mentioned so far actually refer to revision of an essay as a whole. The next step is to revise for components of the essay including the paragraphs, sentences, and individual words. You may ask: how am I going to revise paragraphs? Well, I'd say a paragraph is not arbitrarily formed. It should revolve around an idea, a theme. Let me tell you one way to revise paragraphs: isolate a paragraph at a time, and make sure it runs smoothly and is not merely a bunch of unrelated statements put together. As for revision of sentences and words, most essay writers pile on one long sentence after another.
Well, I'd suggest you avoid this by breaking up some of the longer sentences to provide variety. Use short sentences to make important points, and long sentences to explain complex ideas. Also try to use a variety of sentence structures to maintain reader interest. Eliminate sentences that sound awkward when read aloud. For diction, a very important tip is to eliminate imprecise or wordy language. For example, use although instead of despite the fact that; try to add vigor to your writing by removing cliches, and use fresh and interesting descriptions. Try to write as much as possible with nouns and verbs than primarily with adjectives that slow the pace and reduce impact. Similarly, right in the active, not the passive voice.
我建议你通过分解一些长句使句式变得多样化，从而避免这种情况。用短句来强调重点，用长句来解释复杂的想法。也要尝试使用各种句子结构来保持读者的兴趣。删去大声朗读时听起来很别扭的句子。对于措辞来说，一个非常重要的建议是删除不精确或冗长的语言。例如，使用“although”而不是“despite the fact that”；尝试通过删除陈词滥调来增加写作的活力，并使用新鲜有趣的描述。尽量使用名词和动词，而不是主要用形容词来写作，这些形容词会减慢文章的推进速度，削弱文章的效果。同样地，要尽量使用主动语态，而不是被动语态。
Now let me just repeat what I have said today. Revision is important. When you revise your draft as a whole, pay attention to content, organization and length. But don't forget to revise your essay in detail. Revision of sentences and words can also make the essay more interesting to readers.